Introduction
In this guide, you’ll learn how to interact with blind people like myself, such as when you’re out in the community, friendships, or even in a romantic relationship.
Before We Start
While I understand that:
- You’ve never met someone who is blind before until now.
- Or, you recently met me or another blind person out in the community, such as at an event or gathering,, but you don’t exactly know how to interact with them correctly in a respectful way.
I’m going to teach you, from my personal perspective, on the correct ways on interacting with me and other blind people.
I’m also writing this guide for the following reasons:
- To tell you my personal experiences with meeting new people from my perspective as a blind person
- And, to tell you how I exactly feel in different social situations.
Interacting With Me Out In The Community (At Events/Gatherings)
Getting To Know Me for The First Time
Here’s some useful tips on getting to know me for the first time.
Introduce Yourself
When I approach you or when you approach me, such as at an event, social gathering, or at a protest/rally, please don’t hesitate to introduce yourself. For example, you can say the following:
- “Hey! My name is …! How are you doing today?”
- “Hi! I’m …! Are you enjoying the protest?”
- “Hey! I’m …! It’s nice to meet you!”
I shouldn’t have to approach someone to introduce myself all the time. This is also the perfect time to get to know me as a person, not just my blindness. Please don’t hesitate to keep the conversation going. You’ll find more details on how to start a conversation below in this guide.
Don’t Shout/Speak Loudly
When getting to know me, don’t shout at me. I can hear you normally like everyone else.
Unless if there’s a crowd that’s loud, you can then raise your voice.
Remember That I’m Only Different In Vision
This doesn’t mean that I have other medical conditions, such as hearing loss or other conditions that impacts the ability to speak. In summary, don’t assume that I have other disabilities. Treat me normally like everyone else.
Don’t Stop And Stare
When I was younger, and now even in my adult years, one of my family members told me that somebody was staring at me. Not only that this is rude and unacceptable behavior.
Instead of staring at me, just come up to me and start a normal conversation.
Don’t Assume That I’m Not Intelligent
I’m very smart in technology and passionate about advocacy. You can say that I’m a nerd.
Also, as you can see, I’m good at building websites, like the guide that you’re currently reading.
In summary, don’t assume that I’m not smart. If I don’t know something, I’ll say, “I don’t know.,” or, “Can you clarify/explain … to me?”
Don’t Grab Me Without My Permission
It’s disrespectful to grab me or another blind person without their permission. While I understand that you’re trying to put me in the right direction in terms of taking me to a place that I want to go, grabbing me isn’t the best way.
Instead, you may ask the following questions when encountering me or another blind person out in public with a white cane who’s traveling by themselves:
- “Do you need assistance navigating to …?”
- “Hey. Do you need help with …?”
If I accept your assistance in helping me, I’ll usually use what’s called sighted guide, in which I’ll put my hand on your elbow.
If I say no, that means that I don’t need any assistance. Please don’t take it personally.
Again, while I appreciate you looking out for me, especially if I’m walking in an unfamiliar area, please don’t grab me without asking beforehand. You can read my public service announcement (PSA) regarding this topic:
READ: Please Don’t Grab A Blind Person In Public Without Asking First
Identify Yourself, Especially for The First Few Times
This is a big one for me. I may not remember your voice the first few times. After I get use to the sound of your voice, I’ll remember what you sound like. And sometimes, I may forget. So, if I ask for your name in the future, don’t get upset or offended. Just identify yourself, and the memory of me meeting you the first few times in person or online (via audio/voice messages) will come back to me.
Say Something Before You Leave
If you’ll be right back to get something, such as a drink at the bar, don’t just leave me at the place that I’m at, such as a table for me to guess where you are going.
First, let me know by saying something like this: “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get something to drink and some food.” You may also ask me if I’d like to come with you. If so, I’ll say, “Yes” or “No, thank you.” And also, same thing goes when you’re back. You can say, “I’m back” or something else to let me know that you just came back. Then, we can continue our conversation where we left off.
Don’t Be Afraid To Start A Conversation
Please don’t be afraid to ask questions. You can ask about my family, what I’m passionate about, my plans for the future, and so on.
Some examples of questions that you can ask may include, but not limited to:
- What are your hobbies and interests?
- What are your passionate about?
- What’s your favorite food?
Don’t Pet A Guide dog (Service Animal)
Since I’m not a guide dog user, I’ve never experienced this. If you see a blind person with a guide dog, however, it’s offensive to pet/speak to a guide dog. This is distracting for the dog and the person who’s handling the dog.
Don’t Pray Over Me To Heal/Restore My Sight
When you get to know me in public or at a church (especially if I’m new to the congregation,) please don’t pray over me for a miracle, where my sight will somehow be restored by God. While I believe in the power of healing and miracles, if people get the right treatment that’ll restore their sight, that’s a miracle. Also, if you’re a pastor at a church, don’t pray over my blindness and other people with disabilities publicly via a live stream.
In Psalm Chapter 139, Verse 14 (KJV), it states the following:
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
I recommend that you read the book “My Body Is Not a Prayer Request | Disability Justice in the Church” to understand more about this issue.
If you get to know me, you’ll see me as someone with gifts/talents from God. You can learn more by clicking one of the links in the Resources section.
Interacting In Different Social Situations
Include Me In Your Conversations With Your Friend Group(s)
Please don’t talk around me or at someone else to get my attention or speak for me. I’d like to be included in your conversations, especially if you have your friends around.
Describe The current Environment/Surroundings
If I am in a new place, such as an unfamiliar bar, restaurant, or a coffee shop that I haven’t been before, describe the surroundings, such as objects/people.
Also, if there’s a stage, and someone is performing, describe what they’re doing to me. I can’t tell you how many times that I had to ask someone over a quadrillion times, “What’s going on…”
Being A Good Friend
Below, you’ll find information on ways on being a good friend to me.
Be Considerate/Respectful
This is also a big one for me. For example, if you promised to take me for a car ride to no destination in mind so I can vent to you this upcoming weekend, whether via text message or a phone call, keep that promise. I can’t tell you how disappointed and upset I got every time that someone promised me to do something, such as taking me for a ride one day, but that promise falls through because they either make bogus excuses and/or doesn’t answer my calls or text messages at that time. If the pattern of excuses/ghosting repeats over and over again, especially if it’s more than one (1) time, my respect is lost for that person until they can prove to me that they can keep a promise.
I understand that unexpected situations may come up, such as family emergencies. I usually plan way up to a few weeks in advance so I can be sure that I have time for both of us just in case if something comes up. That way, we can work together as a “team” on a specific day or a specific time, such as in the morning, afternoon, evening, or even late at night.
On the other hand, if I’m desperate for a car ride at the moment, especially if something’s going on in my personal life, I’ll let you know if I need to just ride around with no destination in mind as soon as possible. Depending on how busy you might be, I’d be happy to plan a future day/time of the car ride.
And, if the day/time where you’re picking me up and taking me for a drive comes up, and if it is a valid (valid) emergency, please let me know. Don’t just leave me in the dark on what’s going on by not calling or texting me, in which this is called ghosting. Yes, it happened to me many times before.
You can learn more about my coping strategy of car rides by reading its own guide by clicking the below link. It’ll also have a link to return to this article.
Read: My Coping Strategies: Going On Car Rides
Invite Me To Any Outings, Even Though That It May Be Mundane To Me
If you’re going out with your friends or just hanging out by yourself, and you’re passing through my area, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me and ask if I’d like to come with you. It can be a concert, going to the bar to listen to live music, or whatever plans you may have for that day/night.
Don’t assume that I’m not interested because it’s mundane. All you have to do is either call or text me just to ask. For example, you can say the following:
- Hey Armando! I’m going to … at …. Would you like to come? I’d be happy to pick you up and take you back home.
- Hey Armando! … is … at …. Would you still like to come? I know that you’re stuck in the house, and I really want you to get out. It’s up to you though. If you like, I can pick you up and take you. I’d be happy to take you back home as well.
- Hey Armando! I noticed that you are stressed due to …. Want to go to … happening this weekend? You don’t have to do the activities. We can just talk, or you can ride around the city or go on a short road trip with me just to vent if you like.
If I say, “No, thanks,” along with …, don’t take it personally. I may have other plans that day, especially if I have important meetings to attend. Also, it’ll make me happy that you took the time and effort to reach out to me personally to ask.
Always Communicate Openly And Transparently
This is a huge one for me. For example, if you’re on the way to pick me up, let me know by either calling or texting. That way, I’ll be prepared and ready when you get to where I’m located. Also, I don’t have to ask if you can let me know if you’re on the way. Some examples of how to communicate with me may include the following:
- “Hey Armando! I’m on the way to pick you up. I’ll be at … in … (minutes/hours).”
- “Hey Armando! I’m just letting you know that I’m leaving my house, and I’m on my way to pick you up. I’ll be there in … (minutes/hours).”
Also, if you’re hanging out with your friends, and you’re the one that’s driving me, don’t have your friends ask for my address. This happened to me a while back when I was at my former church. This situation was mentioned in the car rides guide.
Be Dependable/Reliable
This goes back to the car rides situation. If you want to be there for me, let me know that I can rely on you. Again, don’t say, “I’ll take you on a drive this weekend…” or, “I’ll pick you up today after …” and not fall through it. This will make me very emotionally upset, and even lose my respect for you from not showing up for the first time, or by making invalid excuses in a pattern that I’ll notice after a while.
If I need transportation to/from an important event, offer me transportation. While I can take Uber or Lyft, I’d rather save money if the event was across town or in a different city, such as Atlanta, Macon, or even across the state.
Be Patient And Understanding
Yes, I may take longer to do things, but it’s frustrating for me to feel like I’m being rushed. Please be patient and understanding.
Be Polite
If you’re polite to others around you, be the same way to me.
Be There For Me In Times of Need
If I’m going through something, such as having a bad day, show me that you’ll be there for me. I’ll be there for you if you’re going through something. For example, I find that car rides are a fun way to get stuff off of my chest.
If you can’t drive at the moment due to not having a license or if you’re busy with something, we can talk on the phone. If you have a license and enjoy driving around for fun, you can take me for a drive when you’re free on a day that suits both of us. That way, I can rant about what’s going on.
Have Fun!
The biggest and best rule of thumb is to have fun with me! If you’re planning to do activities, such as playing JackBox Games, let me know!
I actually tested out the games, such as the trivia ones and the ones that you have to write out the answers, and it is about 99.99% accessible for me to play! And maybe, my happy/funny side will probably show.
Phrases To Avoid Saying
Below, I’ll try my best to recount my experiences of people saying these phrases to me, and how it’ll make me or other individuals feel. Some of these phrases also applies to other disabilities as well.
“You’re An Inspiration”
One time, I received a text message from someone saying that I was an inspiration.
Using this towards me and other people with disabilities is not only offensive. It’s also ablest to us, in which it alienates us and even reminds us of our disability.
For me, while I can do tasks such as cooking, I use alternative techniques, such as using AIRA to read the instructions for cooking food and finding the buttons to operate the oven.
“It’s Over Here/There”
Saying that something is “over here” or “over there” doesn’t give me and other blind individuals information on where an object or a person is located. Please be sure to describe clearly, such as the following examples:
- “The men’s bathroom is to the left at the end of the hallway.”
- “We’re coming up to a few restaurants to your right.”
- “I’m parked a few steps near the front door.”
“I’m So Sorry For You”
While we’re glad that you’re empathetic towards us, being pity/sympathetic towards us is not the right way. Please respect us like you respect others. Understand that we can live normal lives just like you.
More of these phrases can be found in one of the resources at the end of this article.
When We’re Dating Each Other
While you have the basics of knowing on how to interact with me as a friend, there are similar ways on interacting with me when I am in a relationship with you, meaning that we are dating.
Treat Me The Same As You Treat Other People
Don’t treat me differently just because I’m blind. This means that you should not make fun of me or anything else that can hurt someone’s feelings.
Don’t Hesitate To Ask me Questions
If you’re not sure about something, I’ll be happy to answer. Just ask. Don’t be shy.
Be Patient And Understanding
Yes, it may take longer to do some things, such as answering a question that you ask me that requires me to think. Just be patient and also understanding as well.
Learn About My Blindness
The more you know about blindness, the better equipped you will be to understand my needs and experiences. There are many resources available online and in libraries that can help you learn about blindness.
Talk To Me Regarding My Accommodations/Needs
The best way to know how to support me is by asking me directly, like:
- “What accommodations do you need in order to live your life to the fullest?” Examples may include, but not limited to accessible cooking gadgets that can be accessed by the blind, an area where I can put my food/groceries that’s separate from yours (I don’t want to accidentally eat your stuff), and so on.
- Strengths/weaknesses
- “How can we best communicate to each other if we’re apart, especially when we’re working or one of us is in class for school?” This could be a phone call, audio messaging or texting. I prefer to hear your voice. However, if you’re not able to send an audio message, texting is fine.
- “What’s your coping strategies?”
Be Honest/Upfront With Me
Don’t try to cover me from the world. Let me know about things that’s going on, even if I may not be able to see them. I can still hear them, however, unless it’s visual that requires the use of the eyes. If that’s the case, don’t hesitate to describe it to me with as much details as you can.
Be Willing To Learn/Try New Things
If you’re reading this part of the guide, then you’re someone that is willing to learn new things. Be opened to learning about my experiences from my perspective.
Be Aware of Surroundings When We’re Out And About
When you are out with me guiding me around, or I am following you, make sure that you are aware of the surroundings in the area, and make sure that I am safe.
Be Loving/Supportive
If I need you in times in need, be there for me. Offer your support and encouragement. If you’re there for me, I’ll do the same thing for you. Also, let me know that you’re there for me no matter what happens.
Conclusion
By following these steps above, you can show that you love and care about me, regardless of who I am as a person.
Helpful Resources
- How To Be A Sighted Guide | Vision Loss Resources
- My Body Is Not a Prayer Request | Disability Justice In The Church | Baker Publishing Group
- How to Preach on Blindness Without Being Ablest | Medium
- How Not To Interact With Blind People | Blind Girl Adventures
- 15 Things Not To Say To A Person With A Visual-Impairment | Life of A Blind Girl
- Things Not To Say To A Blind Person | Envision
- How To Be Friends With A Blind Or Visually-Impaired Person | WikiHow